It has been just over a week since we started this journey. I knew it would be a slow purposeful journey and I didn't expect that it would be easy. At the same time I didn't expect that it would be at the top of my mind all the time, or that I would struggle with it so very much.
- I managed to attend church Sunday and intend to go back on Wednesday (doing a study currently on revelation)
- Stayed in the Word daily
- Praying written prayers every morning
- Using my scripture journal with my new devotion
That part has been fairly easy. I was surprised when on January 2nd in my devotion I was brought to Matthew 23:1-4. This went right along with my word, and in what I took from it while doing my scripture journal is
While submitting to authority do not blindly model what they do but follow the Word because not everyone lives great lives for God. Follow God not other people.This helped reinforce my new found strength in not being so preoccupied with what others think, just what God thinks.
In all transparency though, I have to admit this has been a real struggle for me in the area of family. More specifically my mom...most of you know that I live with her, and our relationship isn't great. Without getting into terrific detail on that, I am not the most honoring daughter, and she has a tendency to be mentally and emotionally abusive. I made a commitment to God and to this word that I would come under her authority, and submit to her. But at times it is a real struggle because I want to do this, but I have to wonder how far one must go, when there is the tendency of abuse. I want to submit and honor, while at the same time maintaining boundaries and standing my ground. So this is the area I find most challenging, because when she wants to provoke a fight, I am having a hard time knowing when to rein in my thoughts and words, and when to stand up.
It is a hard decision to make, and one that I can not make on my own. I am constantly finding myself praying to God to help me stick to the commitment I made, and to help me know when to submit, and when to stand my ground. I am not always successful at getting this right. There are fights and screaming matches that I engage in that I should not. Then I find myself immediately repentant because I am not submitting to God when I am fighting with my Mom. I'm not always sorry for every word I say because some of it is truth, but I am sorry that my behavior is not pleasing to God.
I can see that this is going to require great growth this year. It will also require me learning to set healthy boundaries which I do not have. But already I can see how this one word is trying to change and shape things.