Growing & Changing Through Christ

Weekly Checkin and Goals for 1/28/12-2/3/12

2012-01-28T13:26:00.000-05:00

Well I have mentioned setting goals and in a previous post, what to count and the first weeks assignment. Today I want to just check in. I admitted yesterday that I failed to count for 2 days, and talked about my plan. So going back to this past weeks assignment, I merely recorded what I ate and I averaged my numbers together and this is what I am currently looking at:

Calories 1460
Fat 56.57
Cholesterol 88.38
Sodium 2204
Carbs 158.83
Protein 42.1

As I mentioned before I have been counting since November.....so I'm going to go back to the last set of goals that I have not yet met.

Drop calories to 1900
Drop carbs to 250
Drop fat to 44
Try to take klonopin twice daily (5 days a week)
Try to get 8 hours of sleep a night (5 days a week)
Continue to drink less calories
Try to make myself drink water (5 days a week)

Please leave me a comment and share your progress and goals for the week.

Admitting

2012-01-27T22:01:00.000-05:00

So I just wanted to admit to my accountability partner that I did not count yesterday, or today, nor have I read chapters 5 and 6 yet. But I will be posting an average of my totals sometime tomorrow and my goals that I will be setting for the next week.

I'll be honest I don't eat the healthiest and my plan, has to include a lot of flexibility for me to stick with it, so instead of cutting out all sugar or all junk food, I am just opting for some healthier choices. Such as pretzels instead of chips, and italian ice, popsicles, or sherbert instead of ice cream. Something where I can still have, in moderation the foods I enjoy, but mostly making healthier selections and trimming down my numbers.

January Joy Dare 27

2012-01-27T21:09:00.001-05:00

3 Gifts that might never have been

A friendship with my best friend
the birth of my niece
my birth

January Joy Dare 26

2012-01-26T20:33:00.004-05:00

a gift before nine am, gift before noon, a gift before dark

Waking Up
Support
Time to relax

January Joy Dare 25

2012-01-25T17:00:00.000-05:00

One grace borrowed, One grace found, one grace inherited

Grace of a friends love
God's Amazing Grace
Grace of the family

January Joy Dare 24

2012-01-25T16:57:00.001-05:00

3 Things Blue

Sky
Ocean
Lakes

January Joy Dare 23

2012-01-25T16:55:00.000-05:00

3 gifts found in Christ

Salvation
Grace
Everlasting Life (New Life to live on Earth in God's consistent Grace)

January Joy Dare 22

2012-01-22T14:07:00.003-05:00

One grace wrinkled, one grace smoothed, one grace unfolded.

My nose in distaste at a message I recieved
The pages of my bible
the fact that I have power over what I choose to eat

January Joy Dare 21

2012-01-21T19:55:00.001-05:00

One thing in the sky, one thing from your memory, one thing that's ugly-beautiful

Clouds
A lovely friendship that's drifted apart
A friendship ending-a friendship beginning

Setting Goals

2012-01-21T11:24:00.000-05:00

When it comes to setting goals in our calorie counting, I want to emphasize keeping your goals small and manageable. For me I realized after just documenting for a week that I was taking in more than 2000 calories a day and that certain numbers were rather high. So one of my first goals was to just reduce my calories to 2000 a day.

Another focus point for me was to try and work on Portion control and eating proper portions and not too much of anything. I also decided to try and eat whole grain bread instead of white bread, and look for whole wheat flour instead of enriched flour.

I also realized that I was drinking a lot of my calories. So I worked on trying to cut back on the soft drinks and substitute green tea for soft drinks.

I don't eat the right foods, and fruits and vegetables are not really my thing. So I started with small goals of just including fruits in with the foods I am eating.

Just simple small goals that for me are attainable. As long as you keep your goals attainable you will start to see a difference.

Again this week I want to see you introduce yourself here, and start recording everything that you are eating as I mentioned in the previous post, without any goals to maintain for this week.

Diagnosis

2012-01-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

I received my official mental illness diagnosis yesterday. Today my mind keeps going back to that diagnosis over and over and over again. Really, how can this be? Some of it I knew about before, and some of it took me totally by surprise. I'm struggling not to let it define me or change my perspective of how things are. But in the back of my mind all day has also been the thought that it doesn't change who I really am or how God sees me.

So as I try to come to terms with everything I am constantly reminded that nothing has to change, and that knowledge is truly power.

January Joy Dare 20

2012-01-20T20:56:00.000-05:00

3 gifts you saw only when you got close up

the gift of seeing my supervisor as another human, imperfect with struggles of her own
the gift of watching the differently abled at work, and learning to enjoy everything in life
the gift of being able to make a difference doing one small thing a day to make someone smile

January Joy Dare 19

2012-01-20T20:54:00.000-05:00

A grace in the kitchen, a grace in the weather, a grace that might never have been

Sun shining through the overcast sky
Grace from the psychologist intern in delivering my diagnosis

Slow Fade

2012-01-18T20:01:00.000-05:00

Loved the song when I first heard it. Listening to it again today, reminded me just how much of a slow fade it really is. I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned on here that I have been out of church for about a year now. That was never my intentions.........but I grew concerned that I was being judged by other members of the congregation. Fade.

I got away from doing devotions first thing in the morning. Fade.

I got away from reading the Word daily. Fade.

I've been unemployed for over a year. Fade

Become focused on my problems instead of the one solution. Fade.

This year will be a year of coming back from my fade, one intentional step at a time.

January Joy Dare 18

2012-01-18T17:07:00.000-05:00

3 Gifts from God's Word

I am a new creation in Christ
Nothing Comes between me and the love of God
God is a friend that sticks closer than a brother

Counting Calories and other nutrition facts

2012-01-17T18:51:00.000-05:00

Hi,

I wanted to welcome the people from the Made to Crave bible study done by Melissa Taylor. I am looking forward to the accountability from each of you. If you would, please leave me a comment and let me know that you have found my blog, and that you are ready to start the journey with me.

I've been counting since November, but I will start over with you so that we are working at the same pace. I've been using sparkpeople to record my calories online as well as pen and paper just recording my nutrition facts in a 3 ring binder.

To get on the same page, I'll let you know that I am supposed to be on a low fat low cholesterol diet, but I haven't managed to get my numbers in the right ranges yet. I have been counting more than calories. I'm counting

Calories
Fat
Cholesterol
Sodium
Carbs
Protein

I've found that based on a 2000 calorie diet the daily sodium intake should be 2400 grams, daily cholesterol below 300, daily carbs 229, and daily fat 44 grams. Protein should be about 46 grams daily.

But I am going back to the start, those are just some target numbers for you to keep in mind and try to work toward in time. But to start, I would like you to introduce yourself, and tell me why you want to embark on this journey. Then starting on Sunday, I would like you to just keep a food diary, recording everything you eat and drink for the week, and post on Saturday to check in and let me know an average of where you are, and then set tiny goals for the first week. (I'll post more about my initial goals later). My hope for you is that you set small achievable goals that you can reach so that we together can work on maintaining a lifestyle change long term, as opposed to quick results that don't last.

January's Joy Dare 17

2012-01-17T17:30:00.000-05:00

One gift that made you laugh, one gift that made you pray, one gift that made you quiet

Laughed at my boss (enjoying her mistakes, she laughed with me)
Praying over whether to continue a friendship, or simply let it go
Working on my own, and being content

January Joy Dare 16

2012-01-16T19:59:00.000-05:00

3 ways you witnessed happiness today

Watching a child at play
Playing with a child
Being happy with the day regardless of what I got done

January Joy Dare 15

2012-01-15T21:44:00.000-05:00

One thing you wore, one thing you gave away, one thing you shared

Green fuzzy sweater
My time
What I read in Made to Crave

January Joy Dare 14

2012-01-15T21:40:00.000-05:00

3 ways you glimpsed the startling Grace of God

Getting along with my mother while being home and cleaning all day
Motivation to work on cleaning my room that I haven't cleaned in a loooong time
Choosing healthier options at the grocery store

Weekly Goals 1/15/12-1/21/12

2012-01-15T21:32:00.000-05:00

The last week I did a little better. I am drinking less calories. I kept my cholesterol under 300 all week. I kept my calories in line 4 days, my fat intake 1 day, My carbs 4 days.

My goals will be mostly the same for next week.

Drop calories to 1900
Drop carbs to 250
Drop fat to 44
Keep cholesterol below 300
Try to take klonopin twice daily
Try to get 8 hours of sleep a night
Try to drink less calories
Keep protein at least 46 grams

January Joy Dare 13

2012-01-13T21:15:00.000-05:00

3 Sounds you hear

Niece playing
Family talking
TV Playing

January Joy Dare 12

2012-01-12T12:33:00.000-05:00

Something above you, something below you, something beside you

Heaven
Hell
Jesus

January Joy Dare 11

2012-01-12T12:31:00.000-05:00

3 Yellow things that strike you as fresh mercy.

The Sunshine
Yellow Flowers
The color yellow itself (I see it as a color of hope)

January Joy Dare 10

2012-01-10T18:44:00.000-05:00

A gift that's sour, A gift that's sweet, a gift that's just right

A friend that is too busy to talk/text/communicate with me
Unexpected favor at work
God's Love

January Joy Dare 9

2012-01-09T20:20:00.001-05:00

A gift in your hand, a gift you walked by, a gift you sat with

Shaking hands with a developmentally disabled adult at work today
Walked by the developmentally disabled adults at work
Sitting at break with the developmentally disabled

In case it isn't already obvious, I find them to be such a gift and not much different from myself. They have much to teach us, such as how to forgive and forget, how to love unconditionally, and how to have fun with our daily work and just how to make life fun.

January's Joy Dare 8

2012-01-08T19:51:00.000-05:00

Light that caught you, a reflection that surprised you, a shadow that fell lovely

Not sure what exactly to write on this one. Been in the house all day, so no shadows or light. The only reflection that surprised me was my niece....today was her fourth birthday, and I saw myself in her a little bit as she kept going to the bedroom to hide from the crowd of people in the house. I know that's not the reflection that was meant here. But seeing her enthusiasm and surprise, and shyness, it reminded me that she is a reflection of everyone around here. She captures qualities of each of us, and makes it all seem special and great, the way that we should see ourselves, but we don't. We fail to see the gifts in life that we have each day. We fail to see the gifts in us.

January's Joy Dare 7

2012-01-07T17:49:00.000-05:00

Three graces from people you love.

Being told today that I have it all together and no longer need support group, from an acquaintance in support group, and then having my friend to confirm that I did indeed have it together, even though I struggle regularly, that I am an inspiration to others
Being told by another friend that my life and enthusiasm are an inspiration to others
Hearing from people from my old church family tell me how much I have grown in Christ, and have begun to blossom.

Joy Dare 6

2012-01-06T21:21:00.000-05:00

One thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart

Mint Chocolate Candy
Pineapple tidbits
Gratefulness to God for this day. (Check out my other blog post, Submission to God)

Submission To God

2012-01-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

It's been a long and hard, emotion filled week. I've found that I've been disillusioned with things, and not getting the answers that I expected and just running headlong into things that were disappointing almost all week. But today, I stopped this morning and read my devotions, and well I just asked God to give me favor, and I submitted myself, and my day to God. I said that whatever happened today was in His hands and that I would do my best to remember to give everything to Him, and that I would offer nothing but respect to those in authority, and that whatever happened that I would accept it as His will.

An interesting turn of events, I was moved to a different area today, where I think I perform better and missed out on all of the workplace drama, and I pulled out my MP3 player and worshiped God, and to make a good day even better, my production numbers were the highest they have ever been since I started there.

My word for 2012

2012-01-05T20:03:00.001-05:00

I decided this year to go to My One Word, and choose a word to focus on this year. I ended up choosing Perseverance. Since choosing the word I have noticed that I am being tested. But just to get started on my word for the year I decided to start with a basic definition.

Perseverance-steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I have noticed that only 3 days into the new year and I am recopying the definition and underlining the last part.
Especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I have already been tested and have had to cling to those words, steady persistence in a course of action. That means that when life gets hard, I can't throw my hands up and quit. I must keep going, even when I am not sure how to proceed. One minute at a time.

January's Joy Dare Days 1-5

2012-01-05T19:44:00.001-05:00

1. Three things about yourself that you are grateful for:

My smile
My thirst for knowledge
My determination even when the odds are against me (because I know God is for me)

2. A gift outside, inside, on a plate

Scenery on the way to the store
My niece Madison
Homemade Chex Mix

3. 3 Lines you overheard that were graces

Honestly, for that day I can't recall

4. One gift old, new, & blue

Gift of a new day
Gift of an old friendship

5. Something you're reading, you're making, you're seeing

Reading Made to Crave
Making a crochet Scarve
Seeing life through new eyes

1000 Gifts Joy Dare #1-5

2012-01-05T19:26:00.001-05:00

I almost forgot to list my gifts this week, and then I read on Ann Voskamp's blog that she is issuing a new dare, to count your blessings. So in light of that dare I am going to start over for the new year.

Fresh Starts and resolutions
The fact that we don't need the beginning of the year to start over with God
The determination to get back into the Word daily
The fact that I mustn't feel bad about not doing well with my counting nutrition information goals, but trust that God will help me to start eating proper portion sizes and that the bible study on Made to Crave will also help me with this.
The fact that when I can't do anything on my own, that I can trust God to handle my problems and make my paths straight.

The Joy Dare

2012-01-05T19:08:00.000-05:00

I want to encourage everyone to join the Joy Dare, hosted by Ann Voskamp. Join us in thanking God for the many gifts that we receive daily. Link here and on her page and join us in community as we count our many blessings.

Food Goals for 1/1/12-1/7/12

2011-12-31T16:26:00.000-05:00

I will admit with all the desserts that I have done horribly on my food goals for this week. Therefore I am going to try for the same goals this next week.

New Years Resolution's Alternatives

2011-12-31T16:07:00.000-05:00

Last year I was listening to KLove and they were talking about instead of making New Years resolutions that fall by the wayside shortly after they are made that you choose One Word, that God lays on your heart to be your word of the year, something that you want to work on and see manifested in your life and something that brings you ever closer to God. For more information check out this site: One Word

I have chosen my word for this year already, I didn't participate last year because I didn't feel like God was calling me to do so, But I am finding a word on my heart for this year. I will post more about my word later.

As for my other resolutions (which technically should be thrown out the window if I am just to focus on one word) are to continue:

Continuing to monitor my eating and trying to gradually reduce my caloric intake
Trying to get back in the habit of daily devotions & making time to read through the bible in two years
Become more organized at home (& in my room)
Try to find a part time job.

Reading through the Bible in 2 Years

2011-12-29T18:15:00.000-05:00

I am looking for some people to join me in reading through the bible in two years, and really just soaking in the Word, and learning about God's will for my life. Anyone interested in joining me in this please leave me a comment and I will post a reading schedule if there is even one other person interested in joining me in this endeavor.

Gifts 31-35

2011-12-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

So I missed a few Mondays, but to continue with my gifts.

The gift of the Savior that was born and died for me
The gift of time with family
The gift of my niece
The gift of new beginnings (and the chance to constantly reorganize and prioritize my life)
The gift of peace of mind over the past few days, and the gift of remaining in the present moment

Food Goals for 12/25/11-12/31/11

2011-12-26T12:37:00.000-05:00

My goals for last week were:

Drop Calories to 1900 a day

Drop Carbs to 250

Try to keep Fat to 44 grams daily

Keep cholesterol below 300 daily

Eat grain bread instead of white

Try to take klonopin twice daily

Try to get 8 hours of sleep 5 nights a week

Try to drink less calories

So for calories, I managed to stay in line for 4 days. Fat, I kept in line for 3 days, Cholesterol, I stayed in line all week, Sodium below 2000, one day, Carbs, in line one day, very little white bread all week, remembered klonopin about 3 days and didn't do well with getting to bed early or drinking less calories this week.

For this coming week, Not counting Christmas day, I am going to stay basically with the same goals.

Thoughts on Christmas-A Baby Changes Everything

2011-12-18T21:03:00.001-05:00

From the manger, as a helpless baby. Changing everything, bringing hope. Changing the lives of all He touched. To the cross....dying, broken, poured out, obedient to death on a cross. Rising again, bringing hope and changing everything. We need to take this time to remember the baby, and the man, who came down to earth to change everything.

Final Year of Life

2011-12-18T10:52:00.000-05:00

As we approach Christmas and the end of the year...I think there are some important questions that we should ponder, I found these in an article somewhere and had wrote them down to go back to, but I can't think of a better time to ask them.

What if this was the last year of your life? What would you do differently in your personal life? In Your professional life? In your relationships?

I would like you to ponder these, and then leave comments telling me what you would do differently. I am also going to sit down later today with these questions and ponder them and then I will write them in a separate posting later.

Food Goals for 12/18/11-12/24/11

2011-12-18T09:58:00.000-05:00

Drop daily Calories to 1900
Drop daily Carbs to 250
Try to keep fat to 44 grams daily
Keep cholesterol below 300
Eat Grain Bread instead of white
Try to take klonopin twice daily
Try to get 8 hours of sleep a night (5 days)
Try to drink less calories

The Legend of the Poinsettia

2011-12-17T19:31:00.000-05:00

On Christmas Eve a small child had no gifts to give the Baby Jesus. When she prayed an angel appeared and said, "Whatever you give from your heart will make Jesus happy." So the girl picked some weeds and as she took them to church they changed into a brilliant red bouquet of poinsettia flowers.

The Holly Wreath

2011-12-17T19:19:00.000-05:00

The holly wreath symbolizes the crown of thorns worn by Jesus at Calvary.

Its red berries represent the blood He shed for the forgiveness of our sins.

The endless circle is eternal life obtained through Him.

The Tradition of the Pretzel

2011-12-17T19:04:00.001-05:00

Pretzels began in the 6th century at an Italian monastery. A Monk was preparing unleavened bread for Lent and twisted the scraps of bread dough to resemble arms in prayer. He named his creation Pretiola, a word meaning little reward, and gave it as a treat to the children who recited their prayers.

Gifts 26-30

2011-12-06T17:21:00.001-05:00

So I am afraid that I missed a week, but my gifts for this week are

That all my struggles are temporary
That God has control of everything
That I have a few good friends
That life while always difficult, isn't always bad, just character building
That I can learn to grow and change

Meaning of the Christmas Tree

2011-12-04T12:11:00.000-05:00

Green is the second color of Christmas. The stately evergreen, with its unchanging color represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. It's needles point heavenward as a reminder that mankind's thoughts should turn heavenward as well.

The star was the heavenly sign of promise. God promised a Savior for the world and the star was the sign of the fulfillment of that promise on the night that Jesus Christ was born. God always fulfills his promises and, wise men still seek him.

Red is the first color of Christmas. Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the color of the life-giving blood that flows through our veins. It is the symbol of God's greatest gift. Christ gave His life and shed His blood for us that we might have eternal life. When we see the color red, it should remind us of the most wonderful gift.

Just as lost sheep are guided to safety by the sound of the bell, it continues to ring today for all to be guided to the fold.

The glow of the candle represents how people can show their thanks for the gift of God's Son that Christmas Eve long ago.

Twinkling lights symbolize, each one representing one of God's precious children, their light shining for all to see. Let your light so shine before people that all may see it and glorify God.

The Candy cane is a stick of hard white candy: white to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock the foundation of the church, and the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane is in the form of a "J" to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to earth. It also represents the Good Shepard's crook, which he uses to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes, which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed, and a large red stripe that represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have the promise of eternal life.

Wreath made of fresh, fragrant greenery tied with a bright red bow. The bow reminds us of the bond of perfection, which is love. The wreath embodies all the good things about Christmas for those with eyes to see and hearts to understand. It contains the colors of red and green and the heaven-turned needles of the evergreen. The bow tells the story of good will towards all and it's color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice. Even it's shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle, without beginning and without end.

Food Goals for 12/4/11-12/10/11

2011-12-03T20:56:00.000-05:00

So I did fairly good on my goals for last week. For 5 days I managed to keep my calories in line. In 2 days I kept my carbs in line, and I ate fruit for 4 days. My goals for this week

To keep and maintain my calories at 2000
To get carbs below 300
To get sodium at 2000 or below
Eat fruit for 5 days
Continue recording nutrition facts

Food Goals for 11/26/11-12/3/11

2011-11-27T12:53:00.001-05:00

As I mentioned in the previous post, it is time to watch what I eat, and make some lifestyle changes. So after having wrote down everything I ate for a week as far as calories, fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbs, and protein. It became time to set some goals.

I found that my average number of

Calories was 2049.91
Fat was 59.76
Cholesterol was 86.57
Sodium was 2443.78
Carbohydrates was 335.59
Protein was 52.5

So my goals for this week are as follows:

Keep calories and sodium intake 2000 or below
Reduce carbs to 300
Eat fruit during each work day (5 days a week)
Eat grain bread instead of white
Drink 1 V8 during work days (5 days a week)

Low Fat, Low Cholesterol Diet

2011-11-27T12:50:00.001-05:00

I got the results of my lab work back the other week. My cholesterol levels are extremely high. So being as they are putting me on Crestor to control the cholesterol, I decided that I needed to start counting my calories, and carbs. So I talked to a friend of mine and she agreed to help hold me accountable because it is something that she needs to do as well, not for her cholesterol, but just general health. So starting today I am tallying the nutrition facts on all I eat, for 1 week just keeping up with how much I am taking in a day. And then the following week trying to cut back to maintain within certain levels.

Anyone else interested in joining us on this, just let me know by leaving a comment and I can always do an accountability blog on Saturdays if anyone is interested.

I also would like to say I have found a website called sparkpeople that is a great place to track your intake online as opposed to by pen and paper if you would like to join in there.

Gifts 21-25

2011-11-23T21:04:00.001-05:00

Thankful that this stuff I'm going through is only temporary
Thankful that I am not the person that others accuse me of being
Thankful that I am stronger than I've been in the past
Thankful that I do have friends to turn to for support
Thankful that I at least know my shortcomings, where others are still in denial about their own

Goals and New Habits

2011-11-19T19:41:00.001-05:00

So one of the blogs that I like to read called A Holy Experience, has some freebies on it, and one of the freebies is a 100 days Calendar, where you can make new habits and check them off everyday. So for me my new habits are Time management skills, time with God, budgeting, and I added another one downtime. I find that it is really helpful to keep me focused on what my goals are and making a conscious effort to work toward my goals.

Since I have found it to be so helpful I wanted to share it with you. I would love to hear what your goals will be. Leave me a comment and let me know.

Gifts 16-20

2011-11-16T21:11:00.000-05:00

Thankful for knowing that the doctor isn't always correct
Thankful for friends to talk too
Thankful for the fact that health can be fixed and restored
Thankful for God's favor
Thankful for my beautiful niece

The One I Esteem

2011-11-11T20:31:00.000-05:00

As I read in a devotional earlier this week, I read this and I wanted to comment. Words from the devotional will appear in bold. My comments will be normal.

This is what the LORD says: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. Where is the house you will build for me? Where will my resting place be? Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word. ~Isaiah 66:1-2

Humble in Noah Webster's New International Dictionary of the English Language means:
1. (superl.) Near the ground; not high or lofty; not pretentious or magnificent; unpretending; unassuming; as, a humble cottage.
2. (superl.) Thinking lowly of one's self; claiming little for one's self; not proud, arrogant, or assuming; thinking one's self ill-deserving or unworthy, when judged by the demands of God; lowly; weak; modest.
3. (a.) Hornless. See Hummel.
4. (v. t.) To bring low; to reduce the power, independence, or exaltation of; to lower; to abase; to humiliate.
5. (v. t.) To make humble or lowly in mind; to abase the pride or arrogance of; to reduce the self-sufficiently of; to make meek and submissive; -- often used reflexively.

Contrite in Noah Webster's New International Dictionary of the English Language means:

1. (a.) Regretful, sorrowful, broken in spirit because of a sense of sin.
2. (a.) Broken down with grief and penitence; deeply sorrowful for sin because it is displeasing to God; humbly and thoroughly penitent.
3. (n.) A contrite person.
4. (v.) In a contrite manner.

For Humble I like definition #4, to bring low, to reduce power, independence. I feel that we must reduce our independence and learn to rely more on God.

For Contrite, I like #1, regretful, sorrowful, broken in spirit because of a sense of sin.

Believers are always under the canopy of God's grace and love....At the same time our behavior and heart condition do determine whether we receive the fullness of His blessings.

For us to have a contrite heart and humble spirit, all aspects of our lives must be surrendered to Jesus...Anything we do not give over is evidence of pride, the exact opposite of what our Father wants in His children...Lack of submission proves that we think our way is better than His plan.

How often I tend to not hand everything over to Jesus, and try to do things on my own. I never considered that to be Pride before. But it's right in that when I don't give everything over to Jesus, that I think my way is better than God's plans for me.

Second God tells us to tremble at His Word. Scripture-the unfolding revelation of Jesus Himself-is living and powerful to teach and transform us.....One measure of our reverence is obedience: to honor the Lord, we must obey Him.

Honor means To regard or treat with honor, esteem, or respect; to revere; to treat with deference and submission; when used of the Supreme Being, to reverence; to adore; to worship. This tells me that to honor the Lord, we must respect Him and respond in submission, and adore and worship Him. How hard sometimes it is to act these things out. How hard to submit our lives and do as we are told. I know there are areas where I have not yet submitted to the Lords will for my life.

Prayerfully consider whether you have submitted all areas of your life-from finances and health to relationships and work habits-to Jesus Christ. Recognize His authority in all things, and revere His Word.

Father, I ask that you show me where I have yet to submit to your leading, and help me to release my pride and hold of these areas, and learn to do all things in submission to you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Gifts 11-15

2011-11-10T19:09:00.001-05:00

I have been so busy this week that I almost forgot to post these. So sorry for the delay.

Grateful for God working in situations and finding a way when I can't see a way
Thankful for supportive friends who love and care for me
Thankful for an awesome Christian therapist
Thankful for MHAG and the friends and support groups that I have found
Thankful for the golden thread that God is weaving through me (I read about that in an online devotional this week, but I can't find the link to it now.)

Gifts 6-10

2011-10-31T19:13:00.001-04:00

So continuing in the things I am thankful for, there is

Time spent with good friends
Another offer of a new place to live
Getting in touch with my own self
Cooler, beautiful weather
A weekend free of fighting with mom

One Thousand Gifts 1-5

2011-10-28T16:29:00.000-04:00

In the model of One Thousand Gifts a book written by Ann Voskamp, that I have been wanting to get and haven't had the money to purchase yet as I am unemployed, I decided that I wanted to start listing my gifts here on my blog as she does on her blog, A Holy Experience. I would recommend that everyone check it out.

I will start normally posting these weekly on Mondays. But I just wanted to get started today as well.

So a busy week ends, and as it ends I am reflecting on all that has gone on.

A new psychiatrist, that is very nice and willing to listen to me
A new friend offering support and a job interview (God Opening Doors)
A friendship rekindled
A call from vocational rehabilitation about starting my evaluation
Time spent alone with God (daily this week)

God Uses Our Pain

2011-10-23T15:59:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to update this blog, but have found that my time has been seriously limited lately. Today I want to share on something I heard online @ Northland this morning.

“It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” ― A.W. Tozer

God uses our personal pain to redeem others. Our most devastating pain comes from other people. But we can not live our lives based on what happened to us, but on what God is doing through us. I know that this is hard, I find it terribly so. But we have to get over the pain that others are causing us and focus on how God is trying to change us.

We must be responsible. Are we going to accumulate hurts or decide to understand God has a design for your life and power over all circumstances in your life? God is putting us in front of people right now that we can impact, if we do things rightly. Our lives must be transformed by repentance, and we must live lives free of vengeance. I personally like to strike back when I am hurt, so I know that I must ask God to work in my to help me to keep my peace and not cause hurt because of my hurt. I have lots of work to do in this area. I'm not there by a long shot....but I found that hearing this today....made me want to share the lesson that I feel I am being taught.

God has a redemption that is so complete that you have a ministry to serve many. In the long run, my story may help many people. And I cling to the fact that it is not for nothing.

Once you have forgiven somebody in your heart it is established in the kingdom. Although in the flesh it takes time to deal with the memories.

Obedience

2011-10-04T18:13:00.000-04:00

Our Father may ask us to do something that seems illogical-perhaps to accept more responsibility when we were hoping to reduce our workload, to leave a position that He provided just recently, or to take on an assignment where we feel ill-equipped. His plan might feel unrealistic in view of our age, stage of life, or health concerns. We must press forward in obedience, regardless of how impractical the request may appear.

Careful listening is needed for the task to be done safely and properly. Some steps may seem pointless but the rationale often becomes clear later. Always make obeying God your priority.

I'll be honest right now I'm struggling to find a job before the unemployment runs out. I'm not sensing that God is leading me in any direction, and until a few months ago I felt for sure that I was to apply for disability. But I don't have the support to do that. I have no alternative but to get a job.

Over a year ago, God brought a job to my doorstep when I was in need of one. Then back in January the position ended because the company reorganized and changed the requirements to work there. So I get that sometimes these things make no sense. But now I'm listening and I don't feel that God is leading me in any direction, so what do you do when you don't sense the leading, and even while listening you don't hear an answer.

Then is the time to wait. So I am waiting even though I am running out of time before the money runs out. I'm waiting and praying that God will provide an answer, where I don't see one.

Have you ever had an experience like that? I would love to hear about it.

Give Careful Thought to Your Ways

2011-09-29T16:07:00.001-04:00

Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.” This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build my house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the LORD. “You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty. “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with your own house.

Haggai 1:5-9

As I read this today in my devotions, it occured to me that we should give more careful thought to our ways. As a society today, we are harvesting little, we never seem to have enough to please us, we never have our fill of food, we are not as warm as we would like to be, and we never have enough money.

Give careful thoughts to your ways. Do you feel like we are not harvesting souls for the Lord, because we have become complacent in our lives? Do you often feel like you don't have enough material goods to be happy? Do we feel that there is never enough to eat, or at least enough of what we want? Do we never have enough warm and in style clothes to please us? And are we always complaining about our lack of money? I know I do.

Give Careful Thought to your ways. The Lord says "so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored", he also says "Because of my house which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house." May I ask you, How are you and I honoring God with our lives? Are we telling others about Him, are we reaching out and helping those in need?

Have we gotten so busy in our own little lives that we have failed to see the bigger picture? I feel like we have. Because His house is in ruins, while each of you are busy with his own house.... Think about it...His house is still in ruins today. The church isn't reaching out to help others, more and more people are turning to the government or other non-profit agencies for the help they desperately need because the church isn't reaching out to the hurting.

How many times do we get caught up in the lives of ourselves, and forget about others? We forget to reach out and help. We forget to do anything to make a difference. I know I do.

I have to stop here and be honest, I've gotten so caught up in the business of life lately, that I actually haven't attended my own church in months. I've stopped reaching out to help others, but also I feel that I've not been reached out too either. So now I am publicly admitting to my own shortcomings and asking you to forgive me, but also admitting that I need to see past my own little world and get back into church, so that through me God can work to reach others.

Are you with me in deciding to make a conscious effort to reach out to others? Lets get intentional about living our lives, and make a difference in whatever ways we can. I ask you to join me in this. Post a comment about how you plan to be more intentional in your own life.

Our Need to Blame/Create an Enemy

2011-09-28T19:44:00.002-04:00

Our Need to Blame/Create an Enemy
Notes from Pastor Joel Hunters Sermon from Northland Online.

Much of us are functioning atheists. Everything is cause and effect in this world.
Ephesians 6:10-12-Be strong in the Lord (Armor of God)
2 Kings 6:17 Open his eyes that he may see.
Our enemies are not all that important, what's important is what is inside us.
Those filled with evil, have no understanding that there may be evil inside them~M. Scott Peck
John 9:1-4 Who sinned man or parents
It is what it is and our job is to do what we can while we can.
Gen 3:12-13 Blaming Others
Exodus 32:21-24-Make Golden Calf (Not my fault)
If you don't know what to do you don't have to do anything
If you have to blame others no one is making any progress
Luke 14:16-20, 24-Consider me excused
Punishment is every time we blame someone else we lose a blessing from God.
We are involved in cultural habit of finding someone to blame
Who cares who's at fault, Who is going to fix it.
Luke 10:36-37 Is there anything I can do to help
Everytime we blame someone else we are handing responsibility over to them.
If you carry blaming others it binds you

Makes us cowards (Making them the determiner of your life)

Lev 26:36-Those who continue to blame others are living as victims
Satan-means accuser
Rev 12:10
It is what it is, it doesn't matter who caused it
Real question, What am I going to do?
You blame yourself much more than other people
Carrying it around holds hostage of freedom God gave us at the cross
We need to not need to be blaming others
You don't have to know who is to blame to live productive life
Habakkuk 3:17-19
It is a position of strength to repent of guilt and share blame & responsibility for what has gone on.
Luke 22:31-32-Satan sift like wheat (turn again and help your brethren)
Share in the Blame
Quit blaming others for your situation It is what it is, Fix it.

Profiting from Struggles

2011-09-24T19:17:00.001-04:00

My devotions the other morning prompted me to share this:

If you want to profit from struggles, be sustained in them, and come through with joy and victory, you must be persuaded of the following truths.

God is in full control of the timing and intensity of your trial and will not allow it to go beyond His boundaries.
He has a specific purpose for your suffering which you may not understand until it is over.
This trial will prove to be profitable if you submit to God and trust Him through it.
Trying situations are opportunities for faith to prove genuine and grow stronger
When you endure extreme pressure with unexplainable peace and joy. The Lord will demonstrate His sustaining power to a watching world.
Your difficulties are used by the Father to produce Christ-like character.
God will walk with you through all trials.
The Holy Spirit will enable you not only to survive but also to come out a conqueror

2011-09-11T22:50:00.000-04:00

Life can be quite overwhelming when we see no future and are only conscious of bitter sorrow. There are some sorrows that no one else can share.

When we come to an impasse from which there seems no deliverance, we only have to hear the Lord's voice speaking our name, and all is well. There is nothing more to do than to kneel down and worship Him.

From the Joyful Heart

There are many times where I can't see the future and am only aware of my problems. It is so easy to get overwhelmed by the problems and forget that there is a way out. But many times once the Lord speaks to me through His word, I am able to recenter my focus on Him and I know that no matter how hard it seems, I will make it through, because the Lord has a continued purpose for my life and I am not meant to stop living until I meet that purpose.

The Eight Dimensions of Wellness

2011-09-11T13:48:00.004-04:00

I found this on the website http://www.promoteacceptance.samhsa.gov/10by10/default.aspx, and I wanted to share with everyone.

The Eight Dimensions of Wellness²

Wellness means overall well-being. It incorporates the mental, emotional, physical, occupational, intellectual, and spiritual aspects of a person's life. Each aspect of wellness can affect overall quality of life, so it is important to consider all aspects of health. This is especially important for people with mental and substance use disorders because wellness directly relates to the quality and longevity of your life.

Social - developing a sense of connection and a well-developed support system

Physical - recognizing the need for physical activity, diet, sleep, and nutrition while discouraging the use of tobacco, drugs, and excessive alcohol consumption

Emotional - developing skills and strategies to cope effectively with stress, challenges, and conflict

Spiritual - searching for meaning and purpose in human existence

Occupational - deriving personal satisfaction and enrichment from one's work

Intellectual - recognizing creative abilities and finding ways to expand knowledge and skills

Environmental - fostering good health by occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support well-being

Financial - feeling satisfied with current and foreseeable future financial situation

²Swarbrick, M. (2006). A wellness approach. Psychiatric Rehabilitation Journal, 29,(4) 311- 314.

Free Things To Do In Greensboro

2011-09-10T23:06:00.001-04:00

Some free things to do in Greensboro include Fitness by the Fountain at Center City Park in Greensboro.

Center City Park Seasonal Events
May - October

New! A Series of Fortunate Events
Various Fridays/Saturdays
7-10pm
Free!

September 3 Artists Alive with Wesley Williams/Urban Dance Theater
September 9 House of Dues
September 17 benj-o-matic
September 23 Line Dance Party with Think Fit Foundation
September 30 Bryan "Songbear" Smith and Andrea Reese
October 8 TBA

Fitness by the Fountain
Mondays & Wednesdays
6-7pm
Free!

Just bring yourself, comfortable attire and a water bottle
(*a mat is needed where indicated)!
No prior experience is needed for any FBTF class.

September 12 Funk Aerobics w/Tina Yarborough-Liggins
September 14 T'ai Chi Ch'uan w/Eric Reiss
September 19 Masala Bhangra w/Cortney Wilson
September 21 Zumba w/Beth McKinney/YMCA
September 26 Belly Dancing w/Faun Finley
September 28 Boot Camp w/Sean Wells

October 3 *Yoga w/ Abby Feinstein
October 5 African Dance w/Wesley Williams

Join us for free movie nights in the Park! Every third Friday from May - September, there will be a different family-friendly movie. The screen is bigger this year, and the movie start time has been moved later so it will be dark. Bring family, friends, blankets or lawn chairs, and spare change to buy popcorn and candy!

Third Friday of the month
8:30pm
Free!

September 16 We Are Marshall

Center City Cinema is sponsored in part by Friends of Center City Park.

Friday Night Live
First Friday
7-10pm
Free!

In collaboration with First Friday,
Center City Park livens up the heart of downtown
with local music and local wines.

October 7

7 - 8:15pm The Family
8:45 - 10pm Twin City Buskers

Friday Night Live is sponsored in part by and

Tunes @ Noon
Wednesdays 12-1:30pm
Free!

Every Wednesday, Center City Park provides free live music during lunchtime. Bring your lunch, kick back and relax to some cool tunes with some of the Triad's best artists!

September 14 Lauren Light
September 21 Martha Bassett Band
September 28 Warren Bodle & Allen

October 5 Sam Frazier

Obstacles to a Healthy Prayer Life

2011-09-04T15:48:00.000-04:00

Poor Concentration-Human minds are prone to wander, and it is common for our thoughts to drift from praying to other topics. One antidote for this is to realize who it is that we're speaking with. The more we grasp God's power, love, omniscience, and holiness, the easier it will be for us to stay focused.
We may feel unworthy to talk to God-Jesus death and resurrection brought us forgiveness and acceptance, so we can come to him without fear or embarrassment.
Fear can stand in our way-The truth is that none of us knows how to pray correctly, in a manner worthy of the Holy God. That's why the holy spirit intercedes on our behalf. The Lord desires our hearts, not perfect words.

All Is Grace Link

2011-09-02T11:15:00.000-04:00

I read this and just needed to share.

All is Grace

2011-09-01T23:54:00.000-04:00

Are you a procrastinator? Do you get things done at the last minute? Friend, there's no procrastination for living-you either live or you don't. If your hiding from life out of fear of what will happen, you'll never live at all.

From Moments of Peace from the Psalms

I find this to be so true. I've spent most of my life, hiding from life, and I wouldn't say that I live, merely existing would better describe it. I've let fear control me so many times, and I have dreamed my dreams behind closed doors...putting off until later the things that I wanted to do. I still find that I want to put things off until the last minute but I am doing somewhat better at not letting the fear of the unknown to control my life anymore. Do I still procrastinate? Yes, but not to the extent that I have in the past.

Testing

2011-09-01T12:04:00.000-04:00

There He tested them (Exodus 15:25)

God does not want us to be like fragile vases of glass or porcelain. He wants us to be like toughened pieces of steel, able to endure twisting and crushing pressure to the utmost without collapse.

God does not want us to be like greenhouse plants, which are sheltered from rough weather, but like storm-beaten oaks; not like sand dunes that are driven back and forth by every gust of wind but like granite mountains that withstand the fiercest storms. Yet to accomplish this, He must take us into His testing room of suffering. And many of us need no other argument than our own experiences to prove that suffering is indeed God's testing room of faith.

From Storms in the Desert

Have you found that your faith tends to grow most in your times of hardship and suffering. That God has used our obstacles to shape us into being more like him. I have found this to be true, most often. In my struggles with depression and social anxiety disorder, I find that it is when I am at my lowest that I truly open my life and my heart to God, and then when I seek the most comfort from God. There are many times when I just don't know how to proceed and I stop, and I cry out and I wait for divine direction. But I find that through these tough times, that I truly draw nearer to God, and that I allow Him to work more in me. And I find that the toughest of times shapes me and helps me to grow more and more....til I am closer to where he wants me to be.

Sinking into despair

2011-08-30T23:42:00.000-04:00

Even the most majestic bird, which soars higher than all the others and endures the longest flights, will sink into despair when placed in a cage, where it is forced to helplessly beat its wings against its prison bars. Have you seen a magnificent eagle forced to languish in a small cage? With bowed head and dropping wings, it is a sad picture of the sorrow of inactivity.

From Streams in the Desert

Paul through it all, saw only the hand of God at work. To him, the prison became a palace with corridors resounding with shouts of triumphant praise and joy.

From Streams in the Desert

Have you ever felt like the majestic bird, placed in a cage? I have. This really spoke to me because I often times feel trapped. The line above that says "it is a sad picture of the sorrow of inactivity." really made me think about my life. How many times in my life have I taken the path of least resistance and stayed in the harmful situations I was in, feeling that there was not a way out. I was not actively taking responsibility for myself and for my life. When we are inactive, we lose our power to others and we forget how to reclaim that.

Beating against the cage doors feeling powerless. Always beating against the doors, and never finding the freedom that I am looking for. When in reality I have power that I refuse to exercise because I let fear of the unknown trap me in the present cage that I am in, complaining and beating my wings but never getting anywhere.

Paul went through so much more than I ever will and yet he responded with Joy and praise for God. When I remember to focus on God with joy and praise the load seems a little lighter and things seem more manageable. But there are many times that I refuse to, or simply don't remember to refocus on God.

I'm sure that is true for many people. How have you remembered to refocus on God, instead of helplessly beating against the doors of your cage???

If

2011-08-28T00:00:00.000-04:00

In support group today we read a poem from a book called "100 Poems to Lift your Spirit". I liked it so much that I wanted to share.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, not talk to wise:

If you can dream-and not make dreams your master,
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch and toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold On!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more-you'll be a Man, my son!

~Rudyard Kipling
(1865-1936)

Personal Bill of Rights

2011-08-26T17:38:00.000-04:00

I have the right to ask for what I want
I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can't meet
I have the right to change my mind
I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect
I have the right to follow my own values and standards
I have the right to express all of my feelings, both positive and negative, in a manner that will not harm others
I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values
I have the right to determine my own priorities
I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems
I have the right to expect honest from others.
I have the right to feel angry at someone I love and to express this in a responsible manner
I have the right to be uniquely myself
I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid."
I have the right to say "I don't know."
I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, beliefs, and values
I have the right to my own reality.
I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
I have the right to be healthy.
I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people
I have the right to change and grow.
I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
I have the right to grieve.
I have the right to a fulfilling sex life.
I have the right to be happy.

(Adapted by Mary Ellen Copeland from the anxiety and phobia workbook, Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D., 1990, New harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA.)

Serenity Prayer

2011-08-26T11:09:00.002-04:00

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that you will make all things right
if I surrender to your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with you forever in the next.
Amen.

Reinhold Neibuhr

Letting Go

2011-08-26T11:07:00.000-04:00

Letting Go

To Let go doesn't mean to stop caring,
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization that I can't control another
To let go is not to enable,
But to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
Which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to fix,
But to be supportive,
To let go is not to judge,
But to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
But to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
But to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
But to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
But to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
But to try and become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
But to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more!

Positive Path

2011-08-21T23:14:00.000-04:00

Taking baby-steps down MY path. Since it is owned by me and is what I want it to be and need it to be, it is entirely created by ME. It is my personal duty to create a POSITIVE path because I love myself, I love God, I love my family, I love others, I love my planet earth and I am strengthened and filled completely with power and hope when I create MY POSITIVE PATH. When I use baby-steps I make very small movements which don't seem very important. But when I take SMALL POSITIVE BABY STEPS I realize and discover that I HAVE CHANGED AND IMPROVED THE FAITH AND POWER THAT I AM MINDFULLY PLACING INTO MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I am not saying I don't need others to have fun with and to get help from. They can always help me to gain more faith (that things will get better) and power (in my body-my heart-my mind-my relationships). I need to TAKE CHARGE of what I CAN CONTROL. I need to CREATE MY POSITIVE PATH EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE. THIS IS MY GOAL AND MY NEED. I CONGRATULATE MYSELF FOR MY GIFTS AND SKILLS OF FAITH AND PERSONAL POWER.

~Author Unknown
Inspired by Clyde

By Your Side

2011-08-14T15:09:00.002-04:00

Copied from a card I recieved in a card

2011-08-07T16:48:00.000-04:00

Lord, I have too much to do, but it's all important. Help me to set priorities so that I don't feel lost in the pace and the pressure. Give me the wisdom and energy to accomplish what's necessary without wasting time or effort. And help me make the best use of my day, remembering that time is a precious gift from you.

3 Levels of Faith

2011-08-05T22:27:00.000-04:00

In my InTouch Devotional this morning Charles Stanley talks about the 3 levels of faith. As I understand it the levels are:

Little Faith~This stage is characterized by struggling to believe God
Great Faith~Involves the stretching to believe God more and more. Christians are beginning to stand on the truths of scripture.
Perfect Faith~Resting in the confidence that the Lord has already accomplished what we have asked.

I believe that I am somewhere between Little Faith and Great Faith, kind of bouncing back and forth about what I am trusting God for and whether I am trusting Him for anything at the time.

I'm curious, where do you think you are? Can you look back on your life and see when you have moved from one level to another? Please share your stories with me.

Tools we can Use/Gratitude, and 100 day calendar

2011-07-30T23:31:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week I told you about a new blog that I was reading. On that blog A Holy Experience, I found some free resources that got me to thinking. Under free gifts for you, she has a 7 gifts gratitude booklet. I printed that and it got me to thinking and now I am going to use the printout to list the things that I am grateful for each day. I am not saying you have to list 7 things, list only one if that's all you can think of, but list something and as we start doing this together, I think we will find that we are more grateful for the smaller things of life.

I also found under free gifts for you, a 100 day calendar, she suggests that you list 3 things a day that you are going to work on for 100 days and check them off as you accomplish them, whether it is a new habit, or starting to make time for God. I think that this will make a great tool for everyone.

For my 3 things a day, I chose

Time with God
Reading
Replacing one soft drink a day with Green Tea, or Lifewater

Leave me a comment and let me know what 3 things you are choosing to work on each day.

Blog Purpose

2011-07-30T18:13:00.001-04:00

I am slowly working on bringing this particular blog back to it's original purpose, being about God and my walk with God. That said I think the scripture under the title is a perfect theme for things. I also like the way it is said in the message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don't squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. God reminds us,
I heard your call in the nick of time;
The day you needed me, I was there to help.
Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped. Don't put it off; don't frustrate God's work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we're doing. Our work as God's servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we're beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we're telling the truth, and when God's showing his power; when we're doing our best setting things right; when we're praised, and when we're blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.
2 Corinthians 6:1-10 (Message)

I think that speaks volumes...especially the end true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.

As a person who suffers with depression, I often feel ignored by the World, refusing to die, despite the voices in my mind, immersed in tears, yet having deep joy, living on handouts, by living with family, yet many are enriched by the things I do, sometimes I feel I have nothing. Nothing left to give, nothing left to live for. Then I think of my relationship with Christ, and I know I have a hope that many don't have, and in that having it all. I also like the way the NIV says it dying and yet we live on.....with depression we often feel like we are dying but we continue on. The strong and those with hope in God, or a higher power...we live on. On this blog I refer to God, but you can always substitute it for your higher power.

A Father's Love

2011-07-30T16:20:00.002-04:00

Sacrifice

2011-07-30T16:03:00.002-04:00

I Found an interesting new blog that I want to share with you.

2011-07-28T12:31:00.000-04:00

I have found a new blog that I think is pretty powerful and I wanted to share it with you today. Check out A Holy Experience. Be sure to leave me a comment and let me know how you like it.

Quotes for this week

2011-07-26T17:53:00.004-04:00

"All Disease Originates in the Mind" ~ Joseph Murphy

"The Doctor dresses the wound, But God heals it" ~ Author Unknown

"He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress in the cemetary." ~ Harold Wilson

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem." ~ David Carradine

"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another." ~ William Shakespeare

"Know Thyself" ~ Plato

"I have learned that sometimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change." ~ Claire London

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it." ~ Helen Keller

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself." ~ Alan Alda

"If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found." ~ Author Unknown

Sermons on Seeking Approval

2011-07-24T20:51:00.000-04:00

For the sermons I heard on Approval visit Approval 1 and Approval 2. Great sermons, I've gotten some great notes from this....but I am going to let you get your notes for yourself.

Seeking Approval

2011-07-23T19:16:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you....but I have a hard time with seeking approval. I am constantly trying to prove to somebody, anybody that I am worth something. That I am worth being loved. I have recently heard some great preaching on that topic, and then in my reading the other day I come across some powerful quotes on this. I felt the need to share. It really got me to thinking.

Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and disapproval. They hold the power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirits soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking moment of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead. You live by their norms, conform to their standards, seek their company, desire their love, dread their ridicule, long for their applause, meekly submit to the guilt they lay upon you; you are terrified to go against the fashion in the way you dress or speak or act or even think. And observe how even when you control them you depend on them and are enslaved by them. People have become so much a part of your being that you cannot even imagine living a life that is unaffected or uncontrolled by them.

~Anthony DeMello "The Way To Love"

Just think on this for a moment and see it's truth. We are controlled by other's approval. There is nothing that I can do that I don't find myself seeking approval from someone. Sometimes, I even find myself trying to win the approval of God. But often it is the people around me.

The strokes or the scorn of our peers become more important than the approval of Jesus.
As I wrote earlier, the dominant sin in my adult life has been my cowardly refusal to think, feel, act, respond, and live from my authentic self, because of fear of rejection.

~Brennan Manning "Abba's Child"

The fear of rejection is powerful and consumes most people. We constantly worry about the rejection we will face by others. But at what cost.....what's more important, winning the approval of others, or winning the approval of ourselves. In attempting to find my authentic self, I'm realizing more and more that I will not have the approval of others. But who is really more important me or them?

This fear of ridicule paralyzes more effectively than would a head-on attack or an outspoken harsh criticism. How much good is left undone because of our fear of the opinion of others! We are immobilized by the thought: what will others say? The irony of all this is that the opinions we fear most are not those of people we really respect, yet these same persons influence our lives more than we want to admit. This enervating fear of our peers can create an appalling mediocrity.

~Peter G. vanBreeman

Really think about this last one. It struck a nerve with me because the person's approval I most seek is the person who I will never gain approval from, yet at the same time I don't really respect that person. I have to love them because they are family....but valuing and respecting that person is another thing entirely.

What do you think? Are you still struggling to win approval? Tell me about it.

New Look Coming Soon

2011-07-23T18:56:00.001-04:00

I am going to redo the look on here very soon. And then try to bring the blog back around to its original purpose. To share God with the world. One step at a time through my life.

What do you love?

2011-07-23T17:00:00.002-04:00

In Renee Swope's Day 5 Devotion in the 7-Day Doubt Diet she asks some good questions. She asked What Do You Love to do? If Finances were unlimited and failure was impossible, what would be your dream?

She goes on to say that she didn't have any answers, that self-doubt crept in, and how she had tried to be what others wanted or needed her to be. I can relate to that. She talks about asking God what his dreams were for her life. In doing this she realized that she had something special to offer after all.

The truth she focuses on is: you and I were not designed to be whom others expect us to be or even want us to be. We were created to become all that God planned for us to be.

So I want to ask you what would you like to do if you were not financially stopped, and failure wasn't an option. I would love to hear what everyone would like to become.

For more of my creative writing

2011-07-23T16:06:00.005-04:00

For more of my creative writing please check out my other blog. I will not be posting them here because I want to get to where I am placing stuff to do with my recovery on my other blog.

Misplaced Ramblings of the Mind

Freebie Friday

2011-07-22T16:32:00.001-04:00

I have recently stumbled across a great new blog that posts freebie Friday deals. Check out the blog for some great freebies.

This is your life

2011-07-22T15:38:00.002-04:00

I want you to really listen and focus to the words of this song. Then I want to read your comments. I want you to tell me....This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?

When You Hear The Praises Start

2011-07-18T09:34:00.002-04:00

I heard this for the first time yesterday and I wanted to share with everyone.

Check out The 7-day Doubt Diet

2011-07-18T09:13:00.001-04:00

Check out The 7-day Doubt Diet

I Won't Let Go

2011-07-17T13:10:00.004-04:00

This song is beautiful and was played at Support Group Yesterday and I wanted to share.

It wasn’t until I was older that I understood

2011-07-15T16:26:00.002-04:00

It wasn’t until I was older that I understood fully how different I was. Unique, strange. The things that make me tick was different from others. Crowds and large groups of people make me nervous, sick, feeling out of place. Always on the outside looking in. On the fringes of the group….never truly belonging, never accepted.

As I got older the feelings increased, I isolated feeling everyone was thinking poorly of me because I could not meet their great expectations for me.

It was til I was older that I realized that the life I was forced to live was different from everybody elses. It wasn’t til I was older that I realized that the sadness I experienced was depression. It wasn’t till I found the depression for what it was that I began to understand me. The reasons I was different and unique. Yet as I became older and aware of depression I was able to accept the differences and the fact that I would never truly fit in with everyone and begin to create my own world.

It wasn’t til I was older that I understood all the feelings that I had been denied the ability to express and realize that I needed to learn other ways of coping.

Now that I am older I have learned to stop taking the blame and the guilt of others and circumstances and only accept responsibility for my self and my actions. Slowly learning to nurture myself and to let go of what is beyond my control, and realize that I can’t please others, but that I need to learn to please myself. Learn what is myself, my likes and enjoyments, fears and concerns and shut out the other voices and learn to be me.

I'm at Peace When.....

2011-07-15T16:25:00.001-04:00

I’m at peace when…my mind is quiet, and I am lying on my bed looking up at the clouds out the window. Looking at creation, looking towards the heavens. Relaxing…just breathing and being with no motives, no stress, no shoulds. Allowing myself to just be with no condemnations, no regrets. Just me in the moment, all there.

Again when listening to sounds of the sea and focusing only on relaxation, allowing time to pass…yet not caring.

At peace also when I can go about life without the ongoing battle of negativity and I find myself productive and helpful without noticing it or worrying about what others are doing or thinking.
Peace when I remember to focus mostly on God and his view of me and not everyone elses. Peace also comes when I find I have made a difference without even trying or meaning to.

Peace comes from looking at nature and realizing that I am a small part of something way bigger than myself or my problems and that there is a plan, that I can’t control-a reason to keep going, knowing that the battle is won and all I have to do is rest in that assurance.

Peace also sometimes sneaks up from within when I dare to let myself be authentic and I drop the mask, and I am still understood and accepted for who I am flaws and all.

Peace is sometimes ever elusive, but mostly to stop the chaos of life and sit with myself and God, there peace can be found.

Our Deepest Fear

2011-07-11T11:18:00.002-04:00

So I've been reflecting on this quote I posted yesterday by Nelson Mandela.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it's in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
— Nelson Mandela

Mostly thinking about the first few lines. Thinking how often have I been afraid, not of failure, but of success. Thinking that sometimes, we get so comfortable in our shortcomings in life and in our disorders, that we get scared of thinking that we might just be able to do something great. I know that within me there lies some good qualities. I'm pretty smart and catch on to things very quickly. Both really good things when it comes to looking for new jobs. And yet I become afraid, afraid that I might get the job, afraid that I might actually be able to perform the duties of the job well.

Even when I was considering going to college, there was the fear that I might actually succeed in getting my degree....and then would actually have to do something with it. Well I was scared to death because I felt like I would have to do something great, and what if I wasn't capable....but even more, what if I was.

How many times have you let fear of success immobilize you into doing nothing? I know for me this happens quite often. My fears of failure are also pretty big, but I think that for me it was easier to accept that I would not succeed due to my many shortcomings, that it is to accept that maybe I would do something great that would help others.

How often have you been stopped by fear? Was it fear of success or fear of failure? Which do you see having the most power over your life? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Quotes and Tidbits

2011-07-10T13:15:00.005-04:00

I just wanted to share the quote that we started our support group out with yesterday. I would like to hear what you think it means.

"The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble. ~Henry Miller"

We had a great discussion on this in group and it was enlightening to get everyone else's perspectives on it. Another thing posted during the Expressions in Wellness Class was:

I Am Free of The Past

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What you need to know about

the past is that no matter what has

happened it has all worked together

to bring you to this very moment

and in the very moment you

can choose to make everything new

Right Now

~~~~~~~

I also want to share a few tidbits from service this morning:

No Matter How Good Something is it has a hook in it.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it's in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
— Nelson Mandela

You cannot fail in our family. It is exactly what God needed to make it work.

Grace is living in a permanent state of content and approval.

Today's random thoughts

2011-07-10T10:51:00.003-04:00

As I believe that I've posted on here before, it's been about three months or more since I have been to my church in my local church. But I have found a great online church to watch called Northland. This is an awesome church and community online where they accept everyone.

I encourage everyone to check it out sometime. Today I plan to just be and be in the presence of God. I really could use a day to rejuvenate.

Yesterday's support group at the Mental Health Association of Greensboro was awesome and I felt immediately accepted by the group. I would encourage anyone in the area to check it out. If you are not in the area go the the Mental Health Associations website and look for your local affiliate.

Well I have to go as Pastor Joel will be starting service soon. Take Care everyone and have a Blessed Week.

Found Depression Support Groups

2011-07-07T17:18:00.004-04:00

I found some support groups and classes available at the Mental Health Association of Greensboro. There are a couple different support groups and there are daily classes that you can sign up to take and they are free to the public.

So if anyone is interested go to the Mental Health Association website and find your local affiliates.

I have an orientation for Wednesday the 13th, and will start the classes that same day. There is morning classes and then there are afternoon classes and book clubs. So it sounds like a great way to get connected to others and receive some more support since I am lacking family support. And I only see my Psychologist every two weeks.